- The Boy & The Waitress
- A Dog’s Letter to God
- Salsa Recipe
- Rose – 87 Wants to Share Something With You
- Average Cost of Raising a Child $160,400
More Smile Favorites
All Time Top 5 Classics
Decades ago, when things cost far less than they do today, a 10-year-old boy entered a crowded coffee shop and sat at a vacant table. A waitress brought him a glass of water. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" the boy asked.
"Fifty cents," the waitress told him. The boy pulled out the coins in his pocket and counted them. "Well, how much is plain ice cream?" he asked. Other people were waiting, and the waitress was impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she replied brusquely.
"I’ll have plain ice cream," the boy told her. The waitress brought the ice cream, plopped the check on the table, and said: "Pay up front, son." The boy ate the ice cream, paid and left. When the waitress returned to clear the table, tears came to her eyes. Beside the empty ice cream dish were two nickels and five pennies. The boy had had enough money for the sundae. But he couldn’t order it, because he had to leave the waitress a tip.
A DOG’S LETTER TO GOD
• FUNNY
• SO, SO TRUE
• IF YOU OWN A DOG, YOU’LL LOVE IT. IF NOT, SEND IT TO A DOG OWNER, THEY’LL LOVE YOU FOR IT!
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle the “Chrysler Beagle”?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him is she still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths.
What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on “leftovers” in the kitty litter box, although they are not food.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar
5. The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad’s laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose in someone’s crotch is not an acceptable way of saying “hello”.
11. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rain water out of my fur before entering the house.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
16. The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
And, finally my last question:
Dear God: When I get to Heaven, my I have my testicles back?
GREEN SALSA RECIPE
1 1/2 lbs. Tomatillos (you can find them @ Wegmans produce)
10- 12 Jalapenos
1 onion
4 cloves of garlic
1 green pepper
1/2 cup distilled vinegar
4 tablespoons of sugar
2 teaspoons of salt
1 cup of cilantro (don't chop up before measuring, just grab a bunch, about
a cups worth)
* In a medium pot, boil enough water to put in the tomatillos.
* Husk outer covering of tomatillos and place in boiling water for about 5 minutes.
* When you can see through the tomatillos skin, place them in blender
or food processor.
* Cut jalapenos (best to cut them so seeds fall out into food processor!)
* Chop up onion into small pieces and add, to processor.
* Cut up garlic and add.
* Slice green pepper and add.
* Put in vinegar, sugar, salt.
* Last item will be cilantro.
Blend everything on high speed until not chunks are remaining.
ENJOY! !
Rose – 87 Wants to Share Something With You
A LESSON FROM ROSE
The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty seven years old. Can I give you a hug?”
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a squeeze.
“Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked.
She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel.”
“No seriously,” I asked. I was curious as to what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
“I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Everyday for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this “time machine” as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet, and I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said “I’m sorry, I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell us what I know.” As we laughed she cleared her throat and began:
“We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success.”
“You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it.”
“There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability.”
“The idea is to grow up by always finding an opportunity to change.”
“Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.”
She concluded her speech by courageously singing"The Rose". She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.
At the years end, Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation, Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.
Average Cost of Raising a Child $160,400
What exactly are you getting for your money?
Raising a Child
I have seen repeatedly the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice, really nice.
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.
For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the money we could have banked if not for (insert your child's name here).
For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless. But $160,140 isn’t so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month or $171.08 a week. That’s a mere $24.44 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be "rich". It is just the opposite.
So, what do you get for your $160,140?
* Naming rights, first, middle and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
* A partner for blowing bubbles, dying kites, building sandcastles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
* For $160,140, you never have to grow up.
* You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.
* You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars.
* You get to frame rainbows, hearts and Dowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and
cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
* For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.
* You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
* You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel.
* You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.
* You get education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
* In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will like you, love without counting the cost.
Favorite Conversation Starters [cocktail party talk]
Who is the most interesting person you met this week?
Do we listen to RESPOND, or do we listen to UNDERSTAND?
Is America in too much of a hurry… Fed Ex is now same day. Is overnight not fast enough?
Cell phones in bathrooms... ridiculous?
Kids today... more polite... or rude?
When you shop for another, do you buy what you think they'd want, or what you'd like them to have... something you like?
What are the 2 most important qualities for someone to succeed?
What are the core ingredients you look for in a good friend?
What do you want to be remembered for?
What do you think are the three most negatively perceived professions?
Can you describe yourself in one word?
What do you think is the most important 10 jobs of the President of the U.S?
Favorite Quotes
"Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important."
- Janet Lane
"The Value of a Smile
A smile cost nothing, but gives much.
It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give.
It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it.
A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship.
It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and is nature's best antidote for trouble.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.
Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give."
- Unknown Author
"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be."
- Abe Lincoln
"Smile. Actions speak louder than words. A smile says ….I like you – you make me happy, I’m glad to see you, glad to hear from you."
- Dale Carnegie
"One kind word can warm three winter months."
- Japanese Proverb
"A dog’s way to smile is by wagging its tail."
- Unknown Author
"We come into this world crying while all around us are smiling. May we so live that we go out of this world smiling while everybody is weeping."
- Persian Proverb
"Laughter is a smile with the volume turned all the way up."
- Unknown Author
"Wake up and think you are the person your dog thinks you are."
- Unknown Author
"In every job, relationship, or life situation, there is inevitably some turbulence – learn to laugh at it. It is part of what you do and who you are."
- Allen Klein
"Too often we underestimate the power of touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
- Leo Bucaglia
"It’s not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you’ve lived."
- Unknown Author
"A person who chooses not to read has no advantage over the person who can’t read."
- Mark Twain
"As a general rule, the most successful man in life is the man who has the best information."
- Benjamin Disraeli
Favorite Happy Songs
| You Make Me So Very Happy | Blood, Sweat, Tears | |
| Don’t Worry, Be Happy | Bobby McFerrin | |
| Sing A Song | Earth, Wind & Fire | |
| Happy Feeling | Earth, Wind & Fire | |
| Smile | Marilyn Scott | |
| The Way That You Love Me | Vanessa Williams | |
| Lucky Star | Madonna | |
| Feels So Good | Chuck Mangione | |
| Give It All You Got | Chuck Mangione | |
| Hang On To Your Love | Sade | |
| There’s No Stoppin Us | Ollie & Jerry | |
| Smiling Faces | Incognito | |
| Happy Together | The Turtles | |
| Make Me Smile | Chicago | |
| It’s A Beautiful Morning | The Rascals | |
| Sara Smile | Hall & Oates | |
| Hot Fun in Summertime | Sly & Family Stone | |
| Your Smiling Face | James Taylor | |
| Walk Between The Raindrops | Donald Fagen | |
| Don’t Stop Believing | Journey | |
| Here Comes The Sun | George Benson | |
| Oh What a Night Dec 1963 | Frankie Vallee 4 Seasons | |
| This Way to Happiness | Glen Frey | |
| Don’t You Worry About a Thing | Incognito | |
| I Love You More Today Than Yesterday | Spiral Staircase | |
| Rosanna | Toto | |
| Walking on Sunshine | Katrina & The Waves | |
| Night Owl | Little River Band | |
| Let’s Stay Together | Al Green | |
| Head Start to Happiness | The Style Council |